Sudden Sunrise

Two and a half years ago, I completely gave up on the idea of hope. I’d stood with my best friend through a harrowing experience with cancer, and despite all my praying, pleading, and bargaining with the universe, she died. Truth be told, I felt as though I had, too. So, I sat in the shattered ruins of my broken existence. My heart almost gave out (literally) and every day was an intentional act to claw my way out of depression. Some days, I couldn’t even do that.

Eventually, I became accustomed to my grief. It didn’t really yield or lessen any, I just learned to deal with the fact that it had permanence in my life. But dare to hope? Please. Like Nick Fury, I remembered what happened the last time I trusted someone (in this case, hope) and I wasn’t about to make that mistake again.

But something happened recently. I realized that I had orchestrated my life around waiting on the other shoe to drop. I was holding my breath terrified that the moment I let myself enjoy it, my life would once again turn upside down. But nothing happened. I’m still here. And, against what felt like insurmountable odds, my life actually feels good.

Weird, I know. Depression is a helluva beast. I couldn’t see the good until I found my way out of the dark.

So, I’m back. And, things are good. I had forgotten what it felt like to move forward. So, armed with hope, a dozen checklists, a Cherry Pepsi, and some amazing people, I’m less stuck. I have plans. Good things are on the horizon and I look forward to talking more about them here.

But for today, just this one reminder. Sometimes, the storm is behind you. There may have been a tornado yesterday, but that doesn’t mean the sun won’t come out tomorrow. Or next week. Because ultimately, the sun is still there. It might take some time to find it – and more work than you think you have the energy for – but the sun will come back. It has a job to do that it’s been pretty good at for millennia.

It rises. It warms. It lights the way. All we have to do is wait for it.

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